As usual, midnight is my overthinking hour—a time for deep conversations with my own thoughts. Last night’s theme was prayer. And then a question hit me: I’ve always prayed for the future, but can I pray for the past?
On time
It turns out time can’t be rewound, no matter how hard I try. There were even moments when I denied reality, convincing myself that the present is just a long dream. Then I’d ask again, “What’s real, then? Is there a version of reality where I’m actually okay?”
Even now, I don’t know what’s truly real. I still sometimes think this life is a dream—a dream that comes with responsibilities and duties. Perhaps the true reality is in the afterlife, shaped by how we live through this dream world.
We are confined by space and time. The places we exist in are our spaces, and the time we live through is irreversible. Is there really a parallel universe among all this? Is it that we haven’t found it yet, or is it simply beyond the reach of ordinary humans?
In Islamic belief, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) once saw the realities of Hell during Isra Mi’raj. From what I’ve learned, the gates of Hell have not yet been opened, and the deeds of humans are yet to be accounted for. Does this mean that the concepts of space and time, as we understand them, are just constructs?
Ordinary humans
As ordinary humans, we can neither hasten the future nor return to the past. But does that mean we can’t pray for the past?
In a way, I think we can. Istighfar (seeking forgiveness) is a form of prayer for the past. Our past may not always be good, and we can’t change it. But we can seek forgiveness for it.
Through istighfar, we learn to accept and make peace with our past, aligning ourselves with qadarallah (God’s decree). By doing so, we let go of the burdens of yesterday, making the path to the future lighter.
A matter of the heart
Is it hard? Yes, it is. It requires a heart that’s cleansed—not just words spoken from the mouth. At the very least, the words we consistently utter can eventually pave a way to the heart.
Isn’t that the essence of prayer? To steady the heart.
